Oh Charlotte. I can't believe I actually survived the 96 hour maelstrom you thrust upon me. Much of it was self-inflicted, but honestly, there was too much you offered that I couldn't pass up. I blame your generosity.
If you are reading this, Friday, Saturday, Sunday should literally be read like Kip Pardue's Eurotrip in Rules of Attraction. Real Muthafuckinfast.
FRIDAY - 10AM landing (ready to party hardy): Brunch at Mert's (red velvet cake!), Car Bombing near the Old folks ("I swear it's chocolate milk lady"), looted the free goods at Speed Week (Meat Included! in those Microwaveable Mac n Cheese's), Go-gurt, Go-gurt, and Fizzy Go-gurt for miles, Eric McClure totally gave me a paper cut, double fisting slap-on Koozies!, $4 Mojitos and $7 Triple Shots, Walmart, ABC (it was like heaven on earth), Walmart, attempting the art of shot-gunning a beer, Andrea wins, Power Half-Hour (tasting the world), on to Mac's!, Tall Boys for $3, Meat is tasty tasty murder, jesus even the greens beans have meat and cheese in it, artieries closing, re-opening for sangria at Arpa!, more food, dessert I think, oh wait, someone ordered some pungent cheese, god damn it, my team is 30 points behind, ooo Kellie Pickler!!, annnnnnnnnd someone else will need to fill you in on the rest.
SATURDAY - 11AM (fighting through the pain), feels like I've been punched in the face, breakfast of free Cheerios and Orange Patron Liqueur, wow, definitely not meant to be drunk straight up, but the orange slice chaser was the tastiest thing ever, lunch at the Cajun Queen (just kidding, totally closed), Jackalope Jack's it is!, "your food fell on the floor, so it'll be 2 seconds", wait, that's totally not what I ordered, 2 more seconds, there we go, tater tots should be a breakfast staple, rafting at the National Olympic training center, like Knott's Berry Farm x 10, the bitch in front of me sucks assssssss and needs to shut her mouth, chillin' in lawn chairs overlooking the course with a Bud and Doritos (minus annoying seagulls), back to Ando's, showers, shots, shots, no more showers though, more friends!, who like to party!, Sunkist + Captain Morgan's = a tasty Creamsicle!, damn, Flaming Dr. Peppers are so delicious AND scary, because sushi is such good idea whilst drinking...sake, sake, and sake bombs (pounding it like "Hiroshima!" according to Rich), imbibing our waiter Brian, asking him out, totally had no clue we went to Buckhead Saloon, I am proven to be the worst fake ID'er EVER, long islands?, Jager bombs?, beers?, who in the hell is John Bolton and why does he not have any alcohol, the Hansel and Gretel Trail of Grapes leading back to floor 35, barefooting it through the halls, YouTube dance party, playing cupid, and passing the EFF OUT.
SUNDAY - 10AM (kill me now), punched in the face, and the stomach, creamy spinach and Tostitos salsa ought to fix that right up, take two on the Cajun Queen, spicy...this doesn't seem like such a good idea, it wasn't, dun dun dun, Rich bites the dust, cabbing it to the race, let me out!, Gumbo looks like gumbo on the way out, this mini-van is TOTALLY going to hate me, the world's biggest frat party, "raise your ti*s if you like ti*s!!", a 12 year old throwing up in the trash can, 3 waters....and a Miller (gotta love Ando), best seats in the world! effin' made money on this!, Lap 40... 80 zzzzzzzzz, walk it out, older gentleman and his drunken daughter...wait, that's SOOOOO not his daughter (or maybe it is), Jumbo grilled turkey leg, coffees, cheese turds, Bojangles!, 2 more Millers (Ando is my hero!) , back to the race, sweeeeeeeeeeet, a crash!, sweeeeeeeet, another crash, car on fire!, 600 miles is a lonnnnnnng time, lap 398...OUCH! bad beat, Tony Stewart gets robbed, make way through the swarm of people, just in time for late night dinner at Liberty Bell, wow, did I really not drink at Nascar? There's always Daytona...
MONDAY - By Monday, everything was chill, I think most of the alcohol had finally left the system and I had to catch a 5:00PM flight anyway. Grabbed some lunch at Penguins (heart attack!), which was featured on Food Network and took my 10 hour journey back.
As usual, I had a freaking blast. I'm probably going to spiral into depression though since I don't have another trip planned in sight which is slightly uncanny for me. I guess I can't really go anywhere since I managed to lose my passport along the way...
...I did get my license back though, so my days of going out aren't totally shot. Flirting with disaster.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment